I'm very nervous about this.
I saw a psychiatrist last Friday. I've read a lot about BPD and such, but I didn't think it was prudent to have both a psychiatrist and a psychologist as my main concern is medication for ADHD & depression. The rest I can handle.
This psych, however, disagreed entirely. Well, I didn't explain that to her, I merely told her I wanted back on my medication. She told me in no uncertain terms that she is aware of how treatment for BPD goes & that I need to be seeing a shrink as well as her. I liked her no-bullshit approach. The last shrink I saw, I saw her for three sessions. I told her of my self-diagnosis and she acted as though I'd just told her I have depression. This woman addressed all of the issues UP FRONT. This is how sessions will probably end up, I don't care because this is my job. However, I feel like she thinks I'm not serious? The therapist she works with isn't on insurance yet and I'd have to pay $60/hr for every session. She said she won't work with anyone outside of this person, because this is who she trusts on such things etc, and that if I want a diff therapist, I need to seek a diff psych who will work with her.
After that, I was given my prescriptions [lithium 2x/day, and wellbutrin 1x/day], with instructions and reasoning, and dismissed with the instructions to "think about it". I was confused, so I made my follow-up for a month instead of two weeks when my lithium runs out.
I spoke with the psychologist yesterday and I've got an appointment for next Friday. I'm nervous. Like I've mentioned, I really want this to work. Part of having borderline personality disorder is having a very black and white view on life. Part of this is going to be me, in turns, hating and loving my "team". The psych says she's not entirely sure I've got BPD & that it could possibly be bipolar II. Which, honestly? I hope. I really fucking hope. Bipolar is treated with medication and is, from what I understand, just a chemical imbalance like depression or my ADHD. Borderline personality disorder? There's no treatment. It's all psychological trauma and mush and requires YEARS of intensive therapy so that a borderline can just exist on their own. The medication simple treats the symptoms, the peripheral mental bullshit that tags along for the ride.
For me, I'm almost positive it stemmed from childhood trauma. The more I read about this particular theory, the more I agree with it.
Thing is, though, NO ONE knows where it comes from. No one. No one has any proof as to weather it's 100% psychological or if it's somehow a combination of nature and nurture. No one can even agree as to what sort of therapy a borderline ought to receive.